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I’m a horrible person and probably going to the burny place when I get dead.  I totally lied to you, my lovely readers.  I said I’d post something by last weekend and I didn’t.  I have all sorts of excuses lined up: time, commitments (not the straight jacket kind), catching up on all the TMZ I’ve had kidnapped on my DVR, you know, the important stuff.  But instead of whining about all that and begging for forgiveness, I’ll just go straight to splainin’ some of the stuff from the previous teaser post.

  • Dan and I went to a bull riding championship.
    • We thought we were going to see a friend compete in a bullfighting competition, so we were surprised when we got there and they were riding bulls.  But we had a great time and got to see Stacey, Phill, and the boys.
  • I’ve only purchased 4 pairs of shoes for myself in the last 30 days, which is a record low, people.
    • That was another dirty lie.  I’ve purchased 7 pairs of shoes in the last 30 days: 3 pairs of boots, 2 pairs of tennis shoes, 2 pairs of work shoes, and 1 pair of slingbacks.  Damn, I lied again.  That makes 8.
  • I got personalized plates for the Silver Bullet, aka the Shaggin’ Waggin.

If y'all only knew how true this is...

  • I booked Cabo!  Hells yeah!
    • Oh, that poor little town doesn’t know what it’s gotten itself into.  There are 8 rednecks of the lowest degree coming to do cannonballs, drink lots of shots, and leave more than our fair share of warm spots in its many, many pools.
  • I’ve dusted my new Zumba DVD more times than I’ve used it.
    • Which is once and zero.  Don’t you all dare get the idea that I’m a decent housekeeper.  Ffft.
  • I bought a new mattress!
    • Aaaand it didn’t fit in the hole that the last mattress left.  We had a California king waterbed (one of them there fancy waveless ones).  So, Dan had to do some McGuyver-ing to get it to work and now I’m in seventh Heaven on my fancy new memory foam mattress.  When the dogs get up and down eleventy billion times a night, I don’t feel a thing!
  • I took a class on Agile w/ Scrum and am super stoked to use it at work!
    • Der, I’m a geek.
  • I had too much Leprechaun juice on St. Patty’s Day.  Fucking leprechauns and fucking hangovers.  Ugh.  Let’s just say there wasn’t any gold at the end of that rainbow.
    • I’m trying to forget this particular little corner of hell, thankyouverymuch.
  • I made some kick-ass stew for St. Patty’s Day, but it makes me sad because I didn’t get any.
    • I’m still bitter.
  • I ate too much for lunch today and now my bellyhouse hurts.  I shouldn’t have had that second scoop of ice cream. 😦
    • And I ate too much today, too.  I blame Mischelle.  😉  It only happens when I go out to lunch with her.  I even only had one scoop of ice cream (with my apple cobbler).  Wait.  Nope, lied again.  I just remembered, there wasn’t much ice cream left so I had two tiny scoops that barely equaled one scoop, but still were separate and definitely added up to 2.  What?!  We don’t judge around these parts.

And now for some more teasers:

  • Nannee, nannee, boo boo!  I saw The Hunger Games!  Suck my big toe.  And it was all the awesomes.
  • I’m going to the NASCAR race in Martinsville, VA this weekend.  The Martinsville Fall and Winter race trips are the best camping trips of the whole year.  I cannot freaking wait to leave after work on Thursday.  But I won’t be upset if I have to stay later than I plan to on Monday.  Oh, and don’t forget the requisite trip to Bass Pro Shops to pick up the (insert thing we don’t really need here) new propane smoker – because, apparenly, the Big Green Egg is soooo last year.  😉
  • Saturday Margaritas at El Parral!  Need I say more?
  • Dan and green mohawk.  That is all.

Love you guys!  MWAH!  I’m sorry I’m treating y’all like ginger step-kids.